Affairs shouldn't make good television

... because affairs can really, really hurt.

If you're a partner, or a daughter, or a sibling, or a cousin; affairs can pull a family apart.

I don't understand how or why that is drama, why it is essentially used to make good TV. There is nothing entertaining about someone's life being pulled apart because someone else is having an affair. There's nothing engaging about watching someone's life being pulled to pieces because they find an email, or a text, that turns their whole life upside down. Affairs are not pieces of entertainment. They are real life, and serious situations, and they shouldn't be cast aside because someone else seems to have it worse, or because it's broadcast so often that we don't even notice it anymore.

I remember, like it is engraved onto every pinacle of my brain, the day I found out that Dad was having an affair. I remember losing myself, quietly, in fragments, when I was threatened, when it was denied, when I was told that it was my fault. I remember curling up in a ball, crying myself into some disturbed dream-like state that was neither awake nor asleep, and wishing that those pincers that were surrounding me would withdraw somehow.

Even now, writing that, I feel like it's dramatic, or that I'm over-exaggerating or being over-zealous with some kind of made-up truth that people never apologise for or refuse to acknowledge. Within a week, everyone expects you to be back to 'normal' again, whatever that is. Every word that is uttered is met with a roll of the eyes and a sigh of repetition. So you stop feeling anything. And you lose yourself.

Disintegrating.

I guess, what I'm trying to say and not articulating very well, is that no problem should ever be played down. No issue that anyone has should be laughed off. Every situation or feeling or emotion is real, and important, and valid, to the person who is experiencing it. Every single one. And it's so frustrating that these problems are a means to entertain. They're more than that. They're precious, and should be treated as such.

I'm trying to think of a way to round this off and I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I just wish that people wouldn't try to belittle people's problems. There's enough shit in this world without us turning on each other.

A letter.

Dear 13 year old self,

Don’t take things to heart. If you do that then you’ll only end up being hurt faster and harder. You do not have to please everyone. You don’t have to be perfect. Don’t obsess about things that don’t matter. Let the definition of beautiful adapt itself to you, not the way in which you believe it should be done. Live in the moment, don’t think about the past or the future; only now. In fact, don’t think about other people’s opinions in general. They’re not always right. You need to look after yourself now because in the future, you won’t do such a good job of it. Please try to be confident within yourself. If you do that then people respect you more and you’ll gain more success and happiness. Find people that wish to love you for you, rather than the other way around. Don’t judge those people on a first appearance and get to know them, they might surprise you.

Watch Disney movies as they’ll bring a tear to your eye and laughter to your lips. Do things that you enjoy. Be the person that you want to be and don’t let anyone else bring you down, they’re not worth it. Try believing that you are. Believe you’re a good person and follow through.

Take care of yourself, you never know when you’ll need that most.

Love, your 19 year old self.

P.S. I almost forgot; for goodness sake, stop worrying!